Dog sayings that stink (in a bad way).

1. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world.”

Number one, dogs don’t eat dogs. We eat poop. And food. Preferably both. And number two, the world is better than that. Just look at how many people donate after a tragedy like Haiti or Hurricane Katrina or 9/11.

2. “Let sleeping dogs lie.”

I may just be speaking for myself here, but PLEASE wake me up if you want to share food. Or want to play. Sleep is a distant third.

3. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

Puh-lease. Dogists.

4. “Chasing your tail gets you nowhere.”

Speaking from years of experience, I can tell you that tail-chasing transports you to a dizzying world of fabulousness. Try it! You’ll like it! Or, at least, you’ll be so out of it that you… wait a second… ahh…

5. “Don’t go barking up the wrong tree.”

What in sam hill is a wrong tree? Is that like the “any” key?

6. “You ain’t nothin’ but a hounddog.”

I am, as my mom and dad say, “the best thing on Earth.” So no disrespect to Elvis, but I am a hounddog and more.

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